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School's Out

Alan has decided that the Summer Sharks Holiday Camp at the kids’ school is a bit expensive this year (what with the cost of living and everything), so he’s decided to take the children to work for a few days. He thinks it’s an excellent idea – an opportunity to introduce the boys to the world of work, to time keeping and to responsibility…

But Timmy & Tom are bored rigid - Dad took their phones away this morning and it's been at least 25 minutes since they checked in with snapchat. What a complete disaster it would be if their mates were left ‘unread’ all day.

Whilst the boys understand that crafting traditional willow lobster pots by hand is a dying art (and that their dad is the lobster pot GOAT) they just can’t see the point of learning the withy ropes when they’re just going to be influencers when they grow up. Their career plans include filming themselves drinking Prime, selling some fake Alibaba trainers on Vinted, and recording some farts for Tiktok, so this whole lobster pot escapade is just an enormous waste of their time.

Tom squirms with boredom on his lobster pot seat and hatches a cunning plan. He tells Dad that he needs the little boys’ room but that, as it's a good five minute walk away, he should have his device back so that Dad can track him on Life360 en route. Dad isn’t having a bar of it, and miraculously Tom decides his ‘need to go’ is rather less urgent.

Alan patiently explains to the boys how the willows are bent in to shape one by one to form the lobster pot’s base. Timmy just stuffs his hands further in his pockets and thinks about lunch. Home-made picnics are fine and everything, but he just can’t understand why they can’t have a Greggs sausage roll occasionally like everyone else.

Unfortunately, Mums big thing this summer holiday has been cutting out UPFs, which means the Coco Pops have all gone and there’s not much more than dried mango, flax seed and quinoa in the cupboard. The boys are just hoping for some play date invites so that they can escape lobster pot duty and go to a proper house - with an air fryer - for tea.

As the British drizzle starts to set in, and the boys start jabbing willows at each other’s faces in frustration, Alan reflects that the Summer Sharks Holiday Camp might actually be more cost effective than a trip to A&E with an eyeball on a stick.

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